Mind Matters —Two Vignettes

Posted by Dr. Kayta Gajdos on April 21, 2011

First Vignette

A man walks out to the parking lot to drive home. He sees his car door ajar, then as he gets closer, he notices a woman in the driver’s seat. He approaches her and relates that this is his car she is sitting in. She insists that, no, in fact, it is her car and she is having trouble getting it started. Why, she has even called her husband and a garage that is sending a tow truck.

The woman notes that the car is hers because of its color, make, and model, and it is very clean—all facts about her car. The man asks her if she knows her license number; she reports her car hasPennsylvania plates. The owner notes that there areNew Jersey plates on his car—the car in which she has taken up residence.

Finally, the woman reaches the moment of truth that this green Honda is in fact not hers and the man kindly escorts her through the parking lot to her car which starts just fine—no tow truck necessary.

Not fiction, this is in fact an incident that occurred to a colleague. He—and I agree—thought it to be a metaphor for how we all can get caught in a particular mind set in which we see no other reality but the one we have construed. We get stuck in a way of thinking, or belief system, because we cannot expand beyond the narrow confines of our own dubious construction. We cannot take in another’s truth, another’s point of view, another reality. No walking a mile in another’s moccasins here—and no empathy when we cannot expand our reality.

Second Vignette

A dear friend tells me her sister has suddenly gone blind. Perhaps because she expected to die and was grateful to be alive, perhaps because she is exceedingly resilient, her sister replies to the diagnosis, “I’ve always wanted a dog!” Maybe this person will have a learning curve slump, struggling with how to cope with the sudden onset of blindness; nevertheless, her initial response may indicate that this woman has the capacity to expand into a new reality. Her assumptive world has been torn asunder and she finds footing in a strange land.

It’s a delicate balance we straddle. While we need to find our ground in the reality we create, we also need to be open to realities beyond our narrow ken: How life can change in an instant; how we can, perhaps, begin to glimpse that our absolutes are challenged.

I recall, as a child, observing my own nuclear family, its unwritten rules, its unspoken world view. I compared this perspective with the mores of my cousins’ families. Yes, similar values; yet so vastly different. Then expanding the circle to classmates, I noticed even more change of perspective. And on and on. The more cultures we encounter, the more people we meet from all walks of life, the more we can expand our world view.

Perhaps, then, when we come to that car in the parking lot, we can allow ourselves to behold that there are more realities than the ones we hold as absolute.

Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in counseling psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania. She welcomes comments atMindMatters@DrGajdos.com or (610)388-2888. Past columns are posted towww.drgajdos.com.

About Kayta Gajdos

Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.