Mind Matters


Opposites attract, so it is said. But to look at our culture
with all the polarizing opposites, that maxim may not apply. Or if it does, it
is not an attractice picture.

How is it that a 6-year-old boy is disciplined harshly when
he brings his cub scout camping utensil—knife, fork, spoon combination—to show
off at lunch, yet adults can be in the vicinity of the President with massive
weaponry in hand, with no consequences?

Our opposite ways of being seem to be based on fear. Draconian
rules are cemented into place in our schools after such tragic killings as
Columbine. We think we are protecting ourselves and our children by such
extreme measures. In fact, we are doing the opposite. We are not acting
judiciously but reacting out of fear. Maybe it is high time to ask ourselves
what is at the root of all this? What are we doing? What are we thinking? Or
maybe we’re not thinking?

I remember myself as a 6-year-old in first grade, standing
in line at dismissal and subvocalizing (that is, whispering to myself under my
breath), “I could hit Sister—for giving us so much homework!” Little Gracie, in
front of me, hears me and runs up to the teacher, “Sister, Sister, Kathy wants
to cut your head off!” Misquoted even at this early age, I am dragged to the
principal’s office whereupon Sister Prudentia pulls out a knife from her desk
drawer and places it at my throat, saying, “How would you like your head cut
off?” By this point, I am sobbing and so I am further warned to “stop crying”.
Swallow your tears, I am advised.

Because I was so afraid and felt so shamed, when I got home
I did not report to my parents what happened. Instead, I kept choking on my
feelings and had terrible nightmares for awhile. Fortunately, my mother somehow
sleuthed out what had occurred and confronted the perverted principal in no
uncertain terms. My reward for having undergone this trama was to be allowed to
wear a gown in the May procession that honored the Blessed Mother.

Ah, yes, please note that Sister Prudentia was extremely
devout—she exuded the picture of piety. In psychological terms, that’s defined
as splitting. We see it all the time in famous people—politicians and religious
celebrities. When the tension of the opposites that is innate in all of us is
not integrated, held together, the parts of the self get split off, dis-owned.
We then live out the story of Dr Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.

Trouble is we live in a Jekyll-Hyde culture that is split
off, dis-owned also. And so innocent 6-year-olds are punished and adult
wannabees brandish weapons.

Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in counseling
psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania. She
welcomes comments at MindMatters@DrGajdos.com
or (610)388-2888. Past columns are posted to http://www.DrGajdos.com/Articles.

About Kayta Gajdos

Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.

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