I’m in a quandary about family get-togethers and really need some help on this one.
In a recent column I highlighted an upcoming trip my whole (parental) family is taking to Italy with my 86-year-old mother. There are four couples involved, my three siblings and spouses, plus my mother, nine people total. We will be going in September because that’s the only possible time all nine of us could get away for 10 days. It seemed like quite a task to work out that timing — but in retrospect it couldn’t have been that bad since seven of us are retired with no work or child commitments.
But now I am faced with a much harder task in trying to get my own immediate family together for a whole family vacation sometime in 2013. We have been working on it since last fall and still have no resolution because of much more complicated lives and circumstances. This time we are dealing with four adult kids who live in London, Napa Valley, Oregon and Delaware, who have in-laws in Germany, Boston, Providence, Jacksonville and Delaware. All four kids and spouses work, four of the eight travel for their jobs, some work weekends, one has a contract that specifies he can’t be away between the first of August and the end of the year, and some have only two weeks paid vacation — and more than two sets of in-laws to visit.
And now we’ve added one more layer to consider in the family vacation sweepstakes: the arrival of grandchildren, with one more on the way in August, a fact we discovered about a week after we sent the deposit for the summer house on the Cape that looked like the perfect solution. Believe me, we are thrilled about the new baby, but seeing as how she is meant to arrive two weeks after the planned beach reunion, we are now faced with a big question: Do we go, the other eight of us, and give up the idea of everyone being there, or do we go back to the drawing board and try to re-plan something closer to home that can include an eight-and-a-half months pregnant mom?
Neither appeals to us right now, at least to the whole group.
Maybe we should have seen it coming. The discussions started last holiday season when we failed to get everyone together for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. My first suggestion was a house at the Jersey shore. No enthusiasm there. Then Oregon son invited everyone to his house for the ‘13 holidays, but California kids couldn’t go then. Delaware son (with the 1-year-old) said how about here, makes it easier for him than travelling with a baby, and hey, there could be another one soon, just saying. London kids said if they’re travelling this far they want a real vacation, not just hanging around the old homestead. Then the two west coast kids, each with in-laws in Boston, suggested the cape, Provincetown, as a convenient way to see both families and London kids said great, new place, we’re in. Delaware kids said they would drive up if nothing new was on the horizon. So the date was set, house rented, plane tickets purchased. Amen.
But apparently there was – is – something new on the horizon and now our Delaware family can’t make it in July.
So, back to the big question, do we go without the parents-to-be? Cancel and set for another date, even though a change will likely eliminate someone else? Keep the date and change destination to home so everyone can visit here and see the new baby? Give up the idea of a whole family reunion in 2013 and start working on next year?
Of course, everyone has different opinions and I keep wondering how things changed so quickly. Seems like just yesterday, when they were all in college or lived closer to home, when we would say “who wants to go on a trip to Mexico in February” and they couldn’t sign up fast enough (especially if mom and dad were paying for the whole enchilada). But those days are gone and even Stage II, before grandkids, is gone. So now I’m looking for a new model, a new set of guidelines, and I’m wondering how other people do it.
Anyone have any thoughts they would like to share? I’d love to know how other families plan vacation get-togethers and make it work for everyone. Is there some foolproof solution or am I kidding myself?
* Lee Miller welcomes responses. Please email them to leemiller229@gmail.com
About Lee Miller
Lee Miller began her writing career with four books about Pennsylvania/east coast wines and the creation of Wine East magazine. She then went on to found the Chaddsford Winery with her husband Eric, where she turned her pen to promotion, advertising, public relations and marketing of their successful business venture for 30 years. Last year Lee co-wrote the new wine book, “The Vintner’s Apprentice” with Eric, and retired from the Chaddsford Winery to pursue other interests. She is currently working on a book about her life in the wine industry and exploring the retirement life. Her goal in writing a column for Chadds Ford Live is to generate dialogue and elicit reader response.
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