Mind Matters—End of the World As We Know It?

Posted by Dr. Kayta Gajdos on January 9, 2013

Well, December 21, 2012, has passed and we’re still here. However, I wonder if 12, 12, 2012, or 12, 21, 2012, won’t be an end of the world as “we know it.” In other words perhaps we are ready for a transformation of consciousness. Why not?

Christmas this year came just days after the massacre of innocent children in Newtown, Connecticut. Not that there aren’t acts of violence against children every day, but this tragedy evoked a compassionate reaction across the nation. Gun violence and gun control is even spoken about from the pulpit. In my experience, unless I attend a Church service in the inner city, it is a rare occasion for a Catholic priest to be direct about these topics. Not once, but twice, during the Christmas season, I heard priests speak directly to how can we be Christian and not speak out against gun violence? And be supportive of gun control?

I heard these homilies in the midst of family celebrations where I witnessed the kindness of men. Recent studies indicate that males who are married and participate in child-raising are less prone to violence than single men. True, this is a broad brush, and domestic violence where men hurt both their wives and their children definitely exists. Nevertheless, there are indications that family life can engender a tempering of aggression.

With violence and aggression, there is a gender difference due to amounts of testosterone. Everyone has this hormone, but men, of course, have a preponderance of it in comparison to women. Testosterone, in and of itself, does not cause human violence, but it can elevate aggressive tendencies in certain environments. Scientists terms this a “facilitative effect.”

According to Mara Hvistendahl, in Unnatural Selection: Choosing Boys Over Girls, and the Consequences of a World Full of Men, scientists are finding that an antidote to the facilitative effect of testosterone is marriage and children. She cites the longitudinal study of Allan Mazur and Joel Michalek—data collected showed that testosterone levels of Air Force veterans dropped when these men married and the levels increased with divorce.

Anecdotally, I can report that my nephews, in the love and respect they show to their spouses and the patient care they show to their children, give credence to the research.

I have, on occasion, reported here how I have watched fathers yell at their boys at my “summer swimming hole,” impatiently admonishing them not to “act like a girl” or “don’t cry.” Fearing feeling, these fathers could not handle their boys’ emotions, wanting them to “be tough.”

Observing my nephews, I saw men who appear to be raising their boys (and newborn baby girl) with sensitivity and warmth. Kudos to the men of the future who are not afraid of kindness and compassion. Maybe we are ready for a transformation!

Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in counseling psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania. She welcomes comments at MindMatters@DrGajdos.com or (610)388-2888. Past columns are posted to www.drgajdos.com.

About Kayta Gajdos

Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.