Mind Matters: Kintsugi and our brokenness
Kintsugi, translated as “gold joinery,” is the Japanese craft tradition of repairing broken pottery with gold-filled resin. Now artisans use a variety of materials to connect the shards, but the message remains the same. Instead of the mend hiding the formerly broken pieces, kintsugi proudly proclaims the damage visibly with defined lines.
In kintsugi, the fact of brokenness represents a history beyond newness and, therefore, the object is even more beautiful.
What an allegory for our lives in a culture where new is “improved” and age is to be defied. Kintsugi can be applied to all of us so that we indeed see that we are both beautiful and strong in our broken places. With this sense, we derive meaning from our suffering, our being wounded, our aging.
The power of kintsugi was brought home to me by singer-songwriter John Flynn. I was not familiar with the term until I heard Flynn’s composition eponymously named.
The lyrics of his song bespeak how the analogy of a broken bowl made whole meets our deepest experience:
“Rejoining shattered pieces … in a whole new way. … You are beautiful because your heart is broken … because you have the wisdom, kindness, grace … let me kiss the tears upon your face. …”
Recently, I wrote about family. Ironically, soon after that column, I learned that a relative had died suddenly. I want to dedicate this entry on kintsugi to my extended family who now grieve the loss of my first cousin’s youngest daughter, my god child, Julie. At 44, she had an aneurysm and died soon after. Part of my extended family’s sense of kintsugi, I think, is in the meaning they have found in Julie’s legacy to live on in others, not only spiritually, but also by her organ donations. Her memorial service honored her giving even in death, and we were all urged to do likewise.
Information on organ donation can be found at DonateLife.net and OrganDonor.gov.
About Kayta Gajdos
Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.
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