I’ve spent a lot of time in the last two weeks with my 2-year-old grandson Knolan because his parents are in the process of packing and moving to a new house in Bear, Delaware. What a hoot. He is at that stage where he seems to be changing every week, both physically and verbally. All of a sudden he’s gone from a two-word vocabulary of “yesh” and “no” to being able to string a few words together to communicate an idea or a desire. Like “go play park” or “daddy go work” or “see movie, E-I-E-I-O” – which means “Old McDonald Had a Farm” to the uninitiated.
It’s like watching the daffodils unfurl on a warm spring afternoon or the buds break open on the cherry trees — one day it’s not there and the next day it is. Like yesterday when he surprised me with something totally new: “Do it myself!”
I heard it for the first time when we were getting ready to “go play park.”
“No, do it myself,” he proclaimed as I was trying to put his shoes on. Fifteen minutes later he had indeed put his Velcro-strapped sneakers on and off we went to the park. I didn’t think much of it until we got to the sliding board. Again he pulled away and firmly stated, “No, do it myself” as I tried to help him up the steps. Later back at the house it was jumping off the bottom step (over and over and over again), without a helping, steadying hand. “Do it myself, do it myself, do it myself.”
When he was finally asleep (and I exhausted), I got to thinking about all this “do it myself” stuff. About how much harder it is; how simpler it is at times to accept help. Where does that “me” drive come from? Why does every toddler need to assert his or her independence and begin the process of growing up and apart from parents and caregivers?
All that pondering got me thinking about my own experience over the past two years since I retired from the business I co-owned and managed for the past 30 years. When I left the company (with a three year consulting agreement to help the new owner/management team), I saw a few busy years ahead, lots of meetings, long phone calls. I was certain that my long years of experience would be invaluable to those taking over the operation. I figured that I would be their wise old advisor and mentor — after all, there is nothing about the business itself or the industry it serves that I don’t know, right? And surely all this knowledge and history and experience would be vitally important to someone new, wouldn’t it?
The simple answer is no. Apparently not. The truth is that I haven’t received more than 10 or 20 calls in the two-year period since I left. Seems no one needs advice or direction or help. Seems we adults, too, want to “do it myself.” New corporate executives bring in their own “people.” They want to make their own mark. Do things their own way, even if it means a much longer learning curve. Out with the old, in with the new.
Funny how some things never change, isn’t it? I guess it is part of the universal human condition to want to “do it myself.” I’m just amazed that it starts at such an early age.
* Lee Miller welcomes responses. Please email them to leemiller229@gmail.com
About Lee Miller
Lee Miller began her writing career with four books about Pennsylvania/east coast wines and the creation of Wine East magazine. She then went on to found the Chaddsford Winery with her husband Eric, where she turned her pen to promotion, advertising, public relations and marketing of their successful business venture for 30 years. Last year Lee co-wrote the new wine book, “The Vintner’s Apprentice” with Eric, and retired from the Chaddsford Winery to pursue other interests. She is currently working on a book about her life in the wine industry and exploring the retirement life. Her goal in writing a column for Chadds Ford Live is to generate dialogue and elicit reader response.
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