November 16, 2011

In
1873, animals had legal protection, children did not. And so, when a church
worker, Mrs. Etta Wheeler visited a home and found a horribly abused child, she
sought recourse. However, the justice system did nothing. She then petitioned
the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) for help.
She declared to the ASPCA that if there were laws and organizations to protect
animals, then children, as members of the animal kingdom, should be protected
also. The ASPCA agreed.

Later,
children had their own forum when the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to
Children was founded. Despite societies, foundations, and laws for the
protection of children, physical and sexual abuse continues.

Ironically,
the very same reasons our hearts melt when we see pictures of sweet innocent
faces of children or we open our wallets to donate to Operation Smile or
Children’s Hospital, are the very same reasons children are mistreated. We
respond to how children are helpless and subordinate: they have no power, no
say about their fate. The dark side of the coin of our largesse is our ability
to abuse those who are our subordinates. The issues why adults sexually or
physically abuse children are complex. The abusers themselves may have been victims
of abuse, and they are continuing the pattern of oppressed becoming oppressor.

However,
psychological renderings of the whys don’t suffice. We must put the child first—the
one who has no control of the money, has no voice, has no power.

It
would have been an easy call if Joe Paterno and Graham Spanier said to
themselves “The child comes first,” not the money, not the prestige, not the
power.

Despite
their disconnect from the world below their ivory perch, Paterno and Spanier
are not alone in their forgetting “the child comes first.”

There
are teachers who are sadistic bullies; there are fathers who rape their
daughters; and there are mothers who are vicious and cruel to their own
children. The dark side doesn’t discriminate: it looms in Amish families (yes,
Amish families) as well as alcoholic families, in rich homes and poor homes; in
the best schools and the worst schools.

Our
denial of the dark side does us in. We get shocked when we hear yet another
pedestal crash to the ground. Awareness of the problem and educating ourselves
about what we can do is a start. We also need not to have the pendulum swing in
the direction of fear either. To answer the problem of child abuse with
sweeping laws (agreed, we do need strong legislation) that would create an atmosphere
of recrimination is not the solution. If we keep in mind the mantras, “the best
interests of the child” or the “child first,” in legislation, then perhaps we
won’t slip into situations that use the law to manipulate and retaliate, e.g.,
in divorce cases, where one parent can be wrongly accused by the other parent
for child abuse. This obviously is not putting the child first.

I
would like to see us put the child first everywhere. And don’t confuse this
with permissiveness. Putting the child first means allowing our children to
feel safe to grow and develop into adults that will carry on the lessons they
have learned: to be respectful of others as they were respected; to be caring
of others as they were cared for.

The following items have been
taken from online material of the APS (American Psychological Association), http://www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/child-sexual-abuse.aspx:

Who
are the victims of child sexual abuse?

·
Children
of all ages, races, ethnicities, cultures, and economic backgrounds are
vulnerable to sexual abuse.

·
Child
sexual abuse occurs in rural, urban, and suburban areas.

·
It
affects both girls and boys in all kinds of neighborhoods and communities, and
in countries around the world.

Who
are the perpetrators of child sexual abuse?

·
Most
children are abused by someone they know and trust.

·
An
estimated 60% of perpetrators of sexual abuse are known to the child but are
not family members, e.g., family friends, babysitters, childcare providers,
neighbors.

·
About
30% of perpetrators are family members, e.g., fathers, brothers, uncles,
cousins.

·
Just
10% of perpetrators are strangers to the child.

·
In
most cases, the perpetrator is male regardless of whether the victim is a boy
or girl. Heterosexual and gay men are equally likely to sexually abuse
children. A perception that most perpetrators are gay men is a myth and harmful
stereotype.

How
prevalent is child sexual abuse?

·
Some
CDC research has estimated that approximately 1 in 6 boys and 1 in 4 girls are
sexually abused before the age of 18.

·
Other
governmental research has estimated that approximately 300,000 children are
abused every year in the United States.

·
However,
accurate statistics on the prevalence of sexual abuse of children and
adolescents are difficult to collect because it is vastly underreported and
there are differing definitions of what constitutes sexual abuse.

·
Boys
(and later, men) tend not to report their victimization, which may affect
statistics. Some men even feel societal pressure to be proud of early sexual
activity regardless of whether it was unwanted.

·
Boys
are more likely than girls to be abused outside of the family.

·
Most
mental health and child protection professionals agree that child sexual abuse
is not
uncommon and is a serious problem in the United States.

What
steps can parents/caregivers take to prevent and minimize risk for sexual abuse?

Teach your children

·
Basic
sexual education – a health professional can provide basic sexual education to
your children if you feel uncomfortable doing so.

·
That
sexual advances from adults are wrong.

·
To
communicate openly – they should feel free to ask questions and talk about
their experiences. Make it clear that they should feel free to report abuse to
you or any other trusted adult. If you’re concerned about possible sexual
abuse, ask questions.

·
The
difference between good secrets (those that are not kept secret for long) and
bad secrets (those that must stay secret forever).

·
The
difference between “okay” and “not okay” touches.

·
Accurate
names for their private parts and how to take care of them (i.e., bathing,
wiping after bathroom use) so they don’t have to rely on adults or older
children for help.

·
That
adults and older children never need help with their own private parts.

·
That
they can make decisions about their own bodies and say “no” when they do not
want to be touched or do not want to touch others (even refusing to give hugs).

What
should parents/caregivers do if they suspect abuse?

·
Ask for help –
There are a number of organizations focused on providing assistance to families
dealing with child abuse

·
American Professional Society on the Abuse of
Children
(312) 554-0166

·
NationalCenter for Missing and Exploited Children
24 hour hotline: 1-800-THE-LOST

·
Child Help USA
(1-800) 4-A-CHILD

·
Prevent Child Abuse America
(1-800) CHILDREN

·
Child Welfare Information Gateway
(formerly National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information)
(1-800) 394-3366

APA
resources

·
Protecting Our
Children from Abuse and Neglect

·
Resolution
Opposing Child Sexual Abuse

·
Topics page on Sexual
Abuse

·
Understanding
Child Sexual Abuse

·
Understanding
and Preventing Child Abuse and Neglect

* Kayta
Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in counseling psychology and is in private
practice in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania. She welcomes comments at MindMatters@DrGajdos.com
or 610-388-2888. Past columns are posted to http://www.drgajdos.com.