March 31, 2010 - ChaddsFordLive.com

First Person Singular: Me and Murphy’s Law

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There are times when Murphy’s Law comes into play no matter
how hard I try to be positive. “Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.”

Last week I wrote about a vacation that was less than
satisfying. Now it’s time to talk about my car.

My state inspection is due the end of April, but I was
talking about the inspection with my mechanic even before I went away. We knew
the tires, brakes and lights were OK, but I was concerned about some rust that
developed on the driver’s side.

Not a problem, my mechanic said. He wouldn’t fail me, he
said, because it was small, there were no sharp edges and it did not intrude
into the passenger compartment. He’d be able to sand it smooth and use some
filler. No problem.

So off to Florida I went, knowing that I’d have no major
concerns when I got the car inspected on my return. Wrong.

I returned home on a Tuesday and made arrangements Wednesday
to take the car in on Thursday. I dropped it off bright and early Thursday
morning, walked home and waited for the call that it was ready. Three hours
later I got the call, but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

“Rich, there’s a problem and it’s expensive. … We’ll try to
see if we can keep it under
$1,000, but I’m not sure,” said my mechanic.

What was wrong? A broken right front coil spring and a
transmission mount. The front shocks also needed to be changed because of the
spring, he told me.

But they couldn’t do the work that day because the parts
wouldn’t be in until Friday. So I’m without the car for another day.

Friday afternoon I bought my car back for a price that was
four digits before he decimal point. At least my tax refund covered the cost, though
I did have other plans for that money. And I had the car back and could cruise
Chadds Ford over the weekend for stories and photo ops. Wrong again.

I started out taking care of some personal errands early
Saturday morning, including a trip to Wilmington for some wide rolls of bubble
wrap for the framed photos that will be in my next exhibit. But, on the way
back home I noticed my battery light on the dash wouldn’t go out. The
alternator had gone bad and wasn’t charging the battery—so much for using the
car before getting a new alternator on Monday.

The job wasn’t done until 2:30 p.m. Monday. That meant I lost
five days, five days of no transportation, no way to hunt for stories or
photos. Now it’s Tuesday and it’s raining. And I still have to get that rust
spot taken care of. Arrrgh!

But at least I’m rolling again and can get away from the
smell of soaked carpet that happened because of a minor flood two days before
the vacation. I’m still waiting for property management to take care of that
situation. The work order went in two weeks ago, before my trip. I wonder if
anyone in the decision making process is named Murphy.

(Aside, as found on www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-true.html:
“One
important fact about Murphy’s Law was that it was not actually coined by?Murphy,
but by another man of the same name.”)

About Rich Schwartzman

Rich Schwartzman has been reporting on events in the greater Chadds Ford area since September 2001 when he became the founding editor of The Chadds Ford Post. In April 2009 he became managing editor of ChaddsFordLive. He is also an award-winning photographer.

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Blogging Along the Brandywine: Happy First Birthday

Along the Ford

sally jane denk may 1950 — Blogging Along the Brandywine: Happy First Birthday

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I’ve been thinking about birthdays this week.

I remember when I was very young, if someone asked me how
old I was, I would get very specific.

“I’m seven and a half,” I’d answer. Once I actually had the
audacity to tell someone I was seven and three-quarters.

Of course, my seventh birthday was very special because it
was the year I got my first two-wheeled bike. In those days of yore, we didn’t
have the mini 16” pink Barbie bikes or 16” lavender Disney Princess bikes with
pretty white tires. No, I got a sensible, 20” royal blue bike with thick black
sidewall tires with my riding confined to our long driveway. But my father
showed me how to attach a playing card to the spokes with a clothespin to make
the sound of a tiny engine. Awesome!

I remember my third birthday too. We were eating ice cream
and cake when a little merry-go-round on the back of a truck stopped in front
of our house. I vaguely remember riding round and round, but what I vividly
remember was coming back to our dining room afterwards and finding my little
Dixie Cup of chocolate ice cream had turned to soup. I obviously had not yet
fully grasped the sad concept of melting.

I don’t remember my first birthday at all. According to my
mother’s notes, we had cupcakes, ice cream and Pepsi Cola and that I tried to
grab the little candle on my cupcake – a budding pyromaniac to be sure.

And by the way, that antique photo of the giggly little
blonde with the ribbon in her hair is of me on my first.

First birthdays are certainly landmarks. It’s almost, like,
wow- I can’t believe we made it this far.

You see, a little over one year ago, Rich Schwartzman met me
for breakfast at Hank’s Place. He told me about this idea of starting a web-based
news forum for Chadds Ford. He hadn’t come up with a name yet, but he and Emily
Myers had been discussing possible contributors.

“We need something chatty” he told me, and then asked if I
would write a weekly blog. I’m not sure what stunned me the most, the “chatty”
part or the fact that I didn’t know what a blog was.

I went into one of my usual mental spins wondering how I was
going to write 550 original words each week. First I said, “OK”, and then a few
days later changed my mind and said “No”, but then Rich talked me into it
again.

And now, a year later, I’m still here writing blog number
53; “Chadds Ford Live” is still here and so is Richard. For if the truth be
known, I tend to write like I think— lots of dots and dashes. I’ve even been
known to change subjects in mid sentence. I make him crazy.

But it’s been fun.

My favorite blogs have been the ones about the people that
have made Chadds Ford go forward. People like: Arthur “Casey” Cleveland, Jim
Leader, Linda Kaat, Susan Hauser, Barbara Moore, Lloyd Roach, Bill Bunch, Hanna
Sanderson and Tom Drane.

So happy first birthday “Chadds Ford Live”, and
congratulations to Managing Editor Richard Schwartzman and Business Manager
Emily Myers on a spectacular first year!

See you on the Web.

About Sally Denk Hoey

Sally Denk Hoey, is a Gemini - one part music and one part history. She holds a masters degree cum laude from the School of Music at West Chester University. She taught 14 years in both public and private school. Her CD "Bard of the Brandywine" was critically received during her almost 30 years as a folk singer. She currently cantors masses at St Agnes Church in West Chester where she also performs with the select Motet Choir. A recognized historian, Sally serves as a judge-captain for the south-east Pennsylvania regionals of the National History Day Competition. She has served as president of the Brandywine Battlefield Park Associates as well as the Sanderson Museum in Chadds Ford where she now curates the violin collection. Sally re-enacted with the 43rd Regiment of Foot and the 2nd Pennsylvania Regiment for 19 years where she interpreted the role of a campfollower at encampments in Valley Forge, Williamsburg, Va., Monmouth, N.J. and Lexington and Concord, Mass. Sally is married to her college classmate, Thomas Hoey, otherwise known as "Mr. Sousa.”

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Mind Matters: Opposite Sides of Our Connection

Health

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One day I’m at the mall
shopping; the next day, I drive to Washington for a therapy conference to hear
a Buddhist psychologist call us to kindness and to deepen our awareness.
Actually, these were not such opposite experiences. I was surprised that all
the people I met on my Saturday’s errands showed kindness—an “I’m sorry” if
they didn’t hold a door quite long enough, a “can I help you?” to carry a
cumbersome, large item. Patience, too, when I asked where I might find some
particular merchandise.

I felt as comforted in these
everyday encounters as I did listening to Tara Brach’s lived wisdom. I do
believe that we human beings do want to be caring as well as cared for. I also
believe that when we meet others—even strangers—with an openness and without
rancor that we may receive a mirrored—an in-kind kind of—response. No
guarantees, of course, because the others that we meet have their personal
histories that influence the moment.

And that fact brings me to the
other side of the coin of connection—when we experience the other as not so
kind. I facilitate a grief support group for survivors of accident and murder
(its acronym in SAM). Recently, group members talked about on-line responses to
news stories about their loved ones who were killed. A mother and father
related, that after their son was struck by a motorist, they were chastised for
not being “better” parents: “Why did you let your son ride his bike there?” was
the retort. A widow reported that people reprimanded her husband posthumously
for having been on a motorcycle. (The accident was in no way his fault.)

I also see clients who recall
similar stories. One woman notes how her friend subtly blames her for being
sick by lecturing her with various “you shoulds.”

So why on the one hand can we be
kind to each other, yet on the other hand be so judgmental and critical?
Perhaps, we blame the other to protect ourselves. We try desperately to defend
against the possibility that the same tragedy can happen to us. In other words,
we try to deny our own human vulnerability with the unwritten mantra being
“this happened to you because you did (or did not do) such and such.”

This defensive belief plays out
in the societal collective as well. Perhaps we don’t see the need for universal
health care, for example, because we have ours and, if someone is uninsured or
loses insurance, it must be that “they” did something wrong. We become inured
rather than kind, and don’t recognize the connectedness of the common good.

For every Horatio Alger, there
is a vast unseen, unacknowledged, and forgotten support system. No one is a
rugged individualist without the help of many hands. Vulnerable to the human
condition, we are dependent on, and connected to, each other more than we can
ever know.

• Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a
doctorate in counseling psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford,
Pennsylvania. She welcomes comments at MindMatters@DrGajdos.com
or (610)388-2888. Past columns are posted to www.drgajdos.com.

About Kayta Gajdos

Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.

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Police log for April 1

Police

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A Wallingford man was stopped for DUI on Route 202 at Ridge
Road, a police report said. According to the report, troopers observed Patrick
D. Lane, 24, driving erratically on March 17 at 9:15 p.m. The report said
Lane’s car was seen exiting a hotel parking lot, crossing the southbound flow
of traffic and driving over the center median that divides the north and
southbound lanes. The car was also seen weaving in and out of traffic lanes,
the report said. Troopers stopped the car and it was discovered that the
operator was under the influence of alcohol, according to the report.

• An employee of the Wawa on Naaman’s Creek Road was
arrested for stealing from the store, according to a state police press
release. The release said Lisa Ruth Washington, 45, of Wilmington, admitted she
stole and that she as ready to take full responsibility for her actions. She
was caught stealing at 7:30 a.m. on March 16.

About CFLive Staff

See Contributors Page https://chaddsfordlive.com/writers/

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Aurora Bruckart Davis of West Grove

Obituaries

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Aurora
Bruckart Davis, 100, died Monday, March 29 at the Jenner’s Pond Retirement
Village. She was a life long resident of West Grove and lived with her
daughter and son-in-law.

She
was the widow of Edwin H. Davis who died in 1967, and was a daughter of the
late Hannum H. and Mabel Brown Bruckart.

She
graduated from Beacom College. She was a long time member of the West
Grove Presbyterian Church, past president of the Avon Grove Hospital Auxiliary
and a committeewoman for the Republican Board of Elections. She was an
American Red Cross and Gray Lady hospital volunteer. She enjoyed
traveling, was an excellent seamstress and an avid bridge player.

Survivors
include two daughters; Gail D. Hatton and her husband Earl of West Grove, Sue
D. Mitchell of Metairie, La., her grandchildren, Dr. William Mitchell II of
Alexandria La., Dr. Cristen Mitchell of Baton Rouge La., Dr. Lauren Mitchell
and her husband Dr. Jon McCullers and her great grandsons, Marcus and Kevin
McCullers of Memphis, Tenn.

She
was predeceased by two brothers, Victor and Warren and three sisters, Walhalla,
Pearl and Helen.

A
funeral service will be held 11 a.m. Monday, April 5 at the Foulk & Grieco
Funeral Home Inc, (610-869-2685) 200 Rose Hill Rd. West Grove. You are
invited to visit with her family from 10-11 a.m. before the service. Interment
will be in Oxford Cemetery. To send an online condolence, please visit www.griecocares.com.

About CFLive Staff

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