July 11, 2021

I am that parent. When my children are at camp, especially sleepaway camp, I jump at the chance to see photos of them posted by the camp, clicking the refresh button on my browser to see what new files I might access. I analyze who they are with or not with; I make hay out poses and perceived popularity; and I also find those pictures where my child is way off in the background.

I am also not that parent in that I do not call or email the camp based on what I see. I know almost all of what I think is in my imagination; my children are having way too many experiences besides one in front of a camera for me to know how they are doing. I am not supposed to know.

Today marks the start of the fifth Hebrew month of the Jewish ecclesiastical year. It is often called Menachem Av rather than simply Av. Menachem means “Comforter;” and, while Av is really a Hebraicized Babylonian word, in Hebrew it means “father” or “parent.” It is this wordplay that reminds me to let go and to let my children experience suffering, comfort, and joy without my knowing.

Today there is a #NoFearRally of Jewish solidarity in Washington, DC. The idea of the rally is to declare that there is no room for hate. In other words, Jews and allies want to say that Jews will not cower in fear of anti-Semitism and will work to stop it. The timing with the start of Av is loaded. Jews need comfort in Av because many of the worst persecutions and atrocities throughout Jewish history occurred during the month, including the destruction of both Temples on the 9th of Av.

Ultimately, the month turns from the lamentations and mourning practices for the 9th of Av to comfort and joy. The readings from the Prophets on Shabbat following the 9th are passages of comfort from Isaiah, the first of the seven selections actually starts with the words “be comforted, be comforted.” The 15th of Av is a day of Jewish love and joy, a sort of Jewish Sadie Hawkins/Valentine’s mash-up.

How does all of this teach me to let go? God, The Comforter, knows all of the Jewish suffering contained in Av. God even puts the Aleph-Bet of Av into the mouth of Jeremiah’s Book of Lamentations with repetitions of the letters to structure our sounds of woe. History and even our individual lives will have suffering, minor and catastrophic. That resilience we keep attributing to children in the pandemic comes in large part from their not knowing enough of life without the challenge. When we accept suffering’s place in life, even if we don’t fully heal from it, it is then that we are open to the messages of comfort that life also offers. We see and feel comfort differently; we no longer take it for granted and we also know to let comfort in. God doesn’t make it all go away. Instead, God seems to be saying, “I will be here on the other side of this pain. Come meet me.” I have found it to be so time and again. Sometimes, though rarely, I even find joy in being comforted.

Whatever happens at camp, I will be there for my children when they return. They will have made their own way. I will revel in their stories and successes, and I will know that any challenges they meet will be part of their journey to comfort and, hopefully, to joy. I pray we all find our way there.