In My Experience: Fearful

Posted by Jeanne-Marie Curtis on January 11, 2012

Dear Jeanne-Marie,

I often feel intimidated and manipulated by other people and sometimes feel I
am being pushed around. My New Year's resolution is to find changes I can make
to improve.

Signed,
Easy To Scare

Short Answer:

Most people respond based on the way a person stands.

In My Experience:

Dear Easy To Scare

I grew up in the city of Philadelphia and thought the challenges of confronting
fearful situations were unique to city living. However, I now know that this is
not true; challenges are everywhere.

What I have found works for me is to always stand up when approached. Stand as
straight as possible with the curve of your back pushed in, arms and hands
hanging straight at your side, palms open. Keep your chin level, don't move,
and look directly into the person's eyes.

For example, if not prepared to be asked to volunteer for a project, pause for four
seconds, then with a very small smile say, "Let me get back to you on
that."

Works every time! You will be perceived as confident and pleasant but not one
to be pushed around anymore.

Also, I have learned to always remain kind and respectful, despite the
situation, as this is not a sign of weakness but actually the opposite. It is
easy to be cruel.
It takes strength to be poised under pressure.

If you are questioned about a confidential matter, almost no one is able to
keep a secret, so if you can, you are special indeed! My family often jokes
that I will need two graves when I die; one for my coffin and one for
everyone's secrets I have 'taken to the grave'.

Depending on the question, you might answer, "I really couldn't
say." and look a little confused. Then there is the "Why do you
ask?" or "I'm sorry. I can't talk about it. I was asked to keep it
confidential." or "I am not at liberty to discuss."

You will not only keep your promise of being discreet, you will have shown the
other person that you are indeed a trustworthy person.

Of course there is the simple "What?" "What?" That was my dad's favorite. He would
just pretend his hearing aid was off until you would go away.

Here is the most important thing I have learned. If a person ever responds to
you by saying: "You are crazy." "You are imagining that."
or "You are over-reacting.", respond with silence and walk away.

They are lying.

Signed,
Jeanne-Marie

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*Jeanne-Marie Curtis came from Philadelphia to Chadds Ford Township in
1990. She has her BBA in HR Management/Employment Law. She is the author
of Junctions by Jeanne-Marie (Every Woman's Journey and Journal) Available
at ChaddsFordLive.com Products/Books.

*To submit a question: email Jeanne-Marie at [email protected]