By Jeanne-Marie Curtis
Dear Jeanne-Marie,
My fiancé and I agree about getting a house first and then waiting a few years to have a baby. But we disagree about daycare. If we use my income for our mortgage, then I will have no option to stay home with my baby.
Signed,
Disagreeing
Dear Disagreeing,
You are a smart couple to talk about this.
If you present the information below to your fiancé and he dismisses your feelings or concerns, this man is not in love with you. End it now.
Signed,
Jeanne-Marie
In My Experience
The one thing I would like you and your fiancé to think about is this; how is an infant daycare center any different from an orphanage? Because we do not see or have orphanages in America, we don't realize (no matter how they are advertised) that infant daycare is EXACTLY like an orphanage.
A ratio of adults (usually minimum-wage high school grads) per baby, whose job is to keep the babies fed, changed and napping. There is no true maternal love or bonding. You only have the first two years for a child to bond properly with a person and that person is the model of how the child will perceive love and attachment for THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.
Do the math; if a baby is in daycare while you work, that is at least 9 hours, plus at least a one hour commute to and from daycare. Babies sleep 12 hours at night. Add it up; 22 hours a day. When are you the parent? When are you loving and bonding and creating the all-important attachment necessary for healthy development?
Children in orphanages who are not adopted before age two often have what is called Attachment Disorder. We have many biological children in America with the same disorder but we try to label it as something else or medicate it away. It is not reversible.
Also, just as important; how will you know what is happening to your child until he or she is able to verbalize their day, their feelings, and their fears? If abuse occurs, physical, emotional, or sexual, that is another lifelong debilitating scar.
Really think about why you are having a child, what your responsibilities are, and what are you willing to give up to raise and protect the greatest gift of life.
We forget to ask the most important question.
Who will do the parenting?
Signed,
Jeanne-Marie
(Please click Rating above or comment below. If you would like to read past columns, click About the Author under my picture.)
*Jeanne-Marie Curtis came from Philadelphia to Chadds Ford Township in
1990. She has her BBA in HR Management/Employment Law. She is the author of “Junctions by Jeanne-Marie (Every Woman’s Journey and Journal)” a gift book available at ChaddsFordLive.com Products/Books. (Click products.)
*To submit a question: email Jeanne-Marie at [email protected]
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