In My Experience: First love

Posted by Jeanne-Marie Curtis on September 21, 2011

Dear Jeanne-Marie,

I am a teenage girl who is in love with my first boyfriend.
He is funny and cute and I really like him. There is just one thing that
bothers me about him. He acts like a whole different person when he doesn't get
his way. His usual nice self becomes mean until he gets his way. I don't want
to break up over this one little thing.

Signed,
Confused

Short Answer:

Dear Confused,

This is not one little thing. This is a big thing.

It is the very first sign of an abusive person. If you think
he is mean now it will only get worse.

In My Experience:

A long time ago, I was baking a cake and as I added the
eggs, sugar, flour, and other ingredients, I started to think about how baking
a cake was a lot like building a life for yourself.

The eggs were your education, the flour your home, the sugar
your choice of work. Other ingredients were your hobbies, style, personality
and beliefs. Put all this together and you have your life (or your
"cake").

Now when my cake was finished baking, it was beautiful. It
was a rich, red velvet chocolate and it would have been delicious just as it
was. But I wondered if I had some butter cream icing; that would really add the
perfect finishing touch to my cake.

That is when I thought, this is how all relationships should
be!

Bake your own “cake” first by:
-completing your education
-seeking a career that is satisfying
-finding a home that suits you
-decorating it with your style and personality
-seeking hobbies that you enjoy
-deciding if you want to be a parent

Then, and only then, after you have made your life (cake),
be open to adding a serious relationship (icing). Any relationship, including friends, that does not add
something positive to your life is just taking "a bite of your cake.”

Anyone who mistreats you in anyway is not "icing,"
so move on and remember this: The hardest part about breaking up is to
accept that someone does not love you. This does not mean you are unlovable. It
means you are wasting your time with that particular person. As I said, it is
very simple. Look for the "icing for your cake."

* Jeanne-Marie Curtis came to Chadds Ford
Township from Philadelphia in 1990. She has her BA in human resources management/employment
law and is currently employed by Chadds Ford Elementary School. She is the
author of Junctions by Jeanne-Marie.
To submit a question: email Jeanne-Marie at [email protected]