For six days, a Haitian man keeps vigil by the rubble that
was once a bank. He staunchly believes that, trapped beneath the debris, his
wife remains alive. Eventually, he hears her faintly. She is thirsty, she says.
Her hand is pinned down, she says. Somehow, rescuers maneuver water to her
after sighting her by a camera that traverses a slight opening. Carefully, they
chip away the tonnage, hours later releasing her from concrete captivity. For
her, this tomb has become a womb—she is reborn to none too solid earth again.

What is it in the human spirit that enables us to find faith
and hope in dire circumstances such as these? This story could have had a less
auspicious ending. Nevertheless, the undaunted spirit of the husband who stood
by and the woman who kept faith that he would be there for her is the very
heart of the matter.

I find myself playing over the images such as these, where a
mother steadforthly stays by the ruins of a nursery school for days and is
finally re-united with her very frightened 2-year-old after being rescued from
the rubble. Others frantically search for their loved ones if only to recover
their bodies. Disaster teams, medical teams from all over the world converge to
help.

Why? I think it is the agony and ecstasy of living a life in
love. We are interconnected with one another and we care. We care deeply about
those closest to us but the circle continues to extend to all beings if we let
it.

I remember being in a workshop with a FEMA trainer for
disaster mental health volunteers. It was right after the Oklahoma City
bombing, and this trainer would have liked to have been with her colleagues
helping in that disaster effort. Nevertheless, Diane Meyers gave an excellent
presentation, full of heart. She remarked that even though we, as an audience,
didn’t know each other that if, in the next moment, there were a disaster, we
would most likely come to each other’s aid.

True, we as humans may often seem more petty and greedy than
altruistic. Yet, at our core, we empathically identify with the suffering of
others and instinctively want to help and be of service.

At the center of life is love and connection. Neuroscience,
genetics, all kinds of verifiable research may be able to name the biochemistry
of it all. What matters most to me is that through all the adversity, love
remains. The mother stands guard until she finds her child. The husband
faithfully waits for his wife. The brother searches valiantly for his brother.
These are close loving connections, but they stretch outward into the universe,
otherwise we wouldn’t care about anyone else’s story but our own. It is that we
see ourselves in their story that makes all the difference. I recall a
spiritual master’s remark that, 
“It is never that there ‘but for the grace of God go I.’ Instead, it is,
‘There go I.’” When we recognize how connected and related we all are, how can
we not care about what happens thousands of miles away?

Footnote: If you are wanting to give a donation for Haitian
relief, may I suggest Partners in Health (www.pih.org
). This organization has had clinics in Haiti for more than 20 years. These
clinics are staffed by Haitians in partnership with American medical teams. For
a compelling story about this organization and its founder, Paul Farmer, read “Mountains
Beyond Mountains” by Tracy Kidder.

* Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in counseling
psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania. She
welcomes comments at [email protected]
or 610-388-2888. Past columns are posted to www.drgajdos.com.

About Kayta Gajdos

Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.

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