May 11, 2025

How do our children grow into adulthood? How much depends on their ownership of the path or on who puts them on it? What about all the influences they encounter along the way? As I watch college students finish their school year, I cannot help but think about how much they develop in such a short time.

I was fortunate to accompany some students in special ways this past week. One spoke to a room full of strangers about her experience as a Jew in college so far, her very real challenges, her fears, and her resolve. While we were meant to be panelists sharing with the audience, the audience ended up sharing their deep appreciation and support for her.

Another student took very concrete steps to own her Jewish identity. She asked for my help, and together we created a meaningful set of rituals for her. In both cases, I felt a deep sense of abundance.

The Jewish tradition places strong value on accompaniment. Biblical characters accompany one another. Ancient rabbis studied and often traveled in pairs. The Talmud even recounts how two guardian angels accompany us at all times, and so we must address them properly before going to the bathroom (Berakhot 60b). I have written before about the Hasidic master Rebbe Nachman of Bratislav’s teaching that “all the world is a narrow bridge,” making it difficult for these angels to accompany us. When someone dies, we are meant to accompany the body to the grave. Accompaniment matters.

There is a trick to accompaniment, though; it is distinct from guiding or directing. For young people, there is no question that they often need and seek advice. They often take direction or rebel against it. What is fascinating is how their path to independence plays off of those grown-ups in their lives. There is an interplay of taking in that adult guidance and deciding to test their own limits. In some way, they work out how to listen to the angel who got them there and to their own angel waiting in the wings.

Today is Mother’s Day, so I am also thinking about parents and role models. I am missing my mother (of blessed memory), and I am grateful that she saw my metaphorical angels and asked me about them. She built a relationship with me as I came into my own that let me honor her and myself. She shifted from parent-as-guide to parent-as-accompaniment. I aspire to follow her example, and I sense that this week I felt its power. To all who play important roles in the lives of our youth, thank you, and may you find yourself accompanied and in accompaniment. Let us be angels.