T.S. Eliot said that “April is the cruelest month” and certainly the Boston marathon bombings on April 15, would attest to that. But violence is not poetic and can be found in any month and in many forms. So it is that on the heels of this horrible event, I write this. We, as a nation are still reeling from the Newtown massacre of children and teachers in December. Meanwhile, there are ongoing traumas that are anonymous to us, that occur everyday and those too should not be dismissed. Nevertheless, the Boston marathon’s tragic bombings that killed three people and wounded 175 victims has affected the psyche of the nation.
I have in this column addressed the issues of traumatic grief, how to build resilience, the aftermath of tragedy and so on several times. On the day after the bombings, I listen to WHYY’s Radio Times myself to glean some wisdom from the experts. One of Marty Moss-Coane’s guests was professor Tricia Wachtendorf who is the associate Director of the Disaster Research Center at the University of Delaware.
I have heard Professor Wachtendorf speak before at a Christiana Care Medical Reserve Corps meeting, where she discussed disaster response across the globe. I recall how articulate and evenhanded she was in her approach to a very difficult topic.
Wachtendorf reminded her radio audience that media attention affords, unfortunate and unwelcome as it may be, opportunities for discussion with our children about the traumatic event. Each developmental age carries a different set of questions and concerns. We need to meet our children where they are and respond honestly. I like to note that children are emotional barometers for our own anxiety and reactivity. If we ourselves can self soothe, calm ourselves and can be grounded, then our children can model us and feel safe. So first, we need to check in with ourselves and note where we are with our distress. And yes, B-r-e-a-t-h-e. Remember that the word anxiety is derived from the Latin, angere, to choke. To be choked up and not to be able to breathe is indeed anxiety.
Wachtendorf, as well as many others, reframed this most recent act of violence in terms of the helpers. I am, too often these years, reminded of what Mr. Rogers’ mother told him as a child: that when there is a traumatic event, a disaster, to look for the helpers. To be sure, many helpers were visible on Monday. Not only first responders but also anonymous people who did not run away but ran toward the victims.
We may ask ourselves, what would we do in similar circumstances? Would we be a helper, holding someone’s hand or comforting with a hug, or carrying the injured? Innate in most of us is the call to care.
Responding to Moss-Coane’s question, “is this terrorism,” Wachtendorf replied that it is best to focus on what happened, what is more relevant in terms of a criminal investigation, even while there is a sense of fear and uncertainty.
Words are weighty: they carry heavy burdens of connotation beyond their slim denotations. Any act of violence is an act of terror, no matter what country, group, or individual is the perpetrator. Likewise, as Martin Luther King said, “injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” And may justice overcome the violence of this tragedy.
Coping with Disaster Resources:
Explosions (section on After an Explosion)
http://www.ready.gov/explosions
FEMA – Ready.gov
Coping with Disaster
http://www.ready.gov/coping-with-disaster
FEMA – Ready.gov
Managing traumatic stress: Tips for recovering from disaster and other traumatic events
http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/recovering-disasters.aspx
American Psychological Association
Taking Care of Your Emotional Health After a Disaster
http://www.redcross.org/images/MEDIA_CustomProductCatalog/m4240142_EmotionalHealth.pdf
American Red Cross
Recovering Emotionally
http://www.redcross.org/find-help/disaster-recovery/recovering-emotionally
American Red Cross
Helping Children Cope with Disaster
http://www.fema.gov/pdf/library/children.pdf
American Red Cross/US Federal Emergency Management Agency
Disaster Distress Helpline (24/7 phone and text)
http://disasterdistress.samhsa.gov/about.aspx
Substance Abuse Mental Health Services Administration
Building Your Resilience
http://www.apapracticecentral.org/outreach/building-resilience.aspx
American Psychological Association
* Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in counseling psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania. She welcomes comments at MindMatters@DrGajdos.com or 610-388-2888. Past columns are posted to www.drgajdos.com.
Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.
