Mind Matters: Silence, sacred space, and a prayer for boredom

Every now and then, a friend enjoins me to go with her and
her meditation group to Holy Cross Abbey, a Trappist Monastery in Virginia to
spend a weekend there. When I mention this to people, they are sometimes taken
aback, perhaps considering sacrificial austerity and horsehair shirts. It is
not that.

But it is this: a place where silence is honored and
respected. And in the silence there can be relief. No droning TV’s, radios—not
even meal time chatter or loud carrying on in the halls of the guest house
where we stay. Just enough quiet to no longer be able to escape into busyness
and noisiness and away from the inner voices of your own inner longing.

The last time we travelled there, I drove through some heavy
D.C. traffic. Upon arrival, I fell onto the bed, breathing out the tension I
felt in my body after a long week of work and a stressful drive. After several
hours, I could feel myself slowly settling into the rhythm of the monks’
routine.

If you (and you are not required to) attend any prayer
services (3:30 a.m. is first of the day), you discover that the chanting and
the scriptural readings are not rushed. Even without attending any services,
the solitude and quiet is a palpable respite.

We live in such a world of noise—noise pollution is a fact.
(Light pollution and our lack of dark, yet brilliantly lit, starry skies is
also a problem—which I’ll not address here.) How can we hear our own still
voice within if we are being hammered incessantly by media news blitzes, “radio-crity”,
cell phones, iPods, electronic games ad infinitum.

I don’t espouse to be a Luddite. What is our vice can also
be our virtue. The media and our electronics, all have their place. What we do
need to recognize as part of our own stress reduction and healthy self-care is
that we need a time for silence.

Silence and solitude are not to be confused with loneliness
or isolation. We can feel isolated in a crowd, and feel quite connected to the
universe, when we experience silence and solitude. Ronald Rolheiser, theologian
and author reminds us, “Silence is a special language that is not in opposition
to words. Silence and words need each other. There are things we can only know
through silence, just as there are things we can only know through
conversation.”

In our hectic, busy lives, we all need to find time for some
silence. Of course, we can’t haul off to the mountain top or to the monastery
forever (if at all). So how do we find the sacred space for silence in the
everyday moments of our lives?

Some possibilities to consider:
• Taking an extra five minutes in the morning, perhaps sipping that coffee,
watching the birds?

• Taking a walk—sans iPod—around the neighborhood or at a
local garden (Longwood and Winterthur are my favorite haunts).

• Sitting somewhere—anywhere—just noticing your breath and
then noticing all the sounds around you.

• Sitting by some body of water—the Brandywine, perhaps?—and
then watch, wait, wonder.

• Take a moment of silence with the kids at dinner.

• Even stop lights are fair game for practicing silence.
Turn the radio off and become aware of your breath. Take a moment to slow
yourself down at that stoplight.

More on silence:
• The movie, Into Great Silence, Zeitgeist Films (available
from Amazon.com).

• Christopher Notes #524, Seeking Sacred Silence, http://www.christophers.org/Page.aspx?pid=1165.

* Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in
counseling psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania.
She welcomes comments at [email protected]
or (610)388-2888. Past columns are posted to www.drgajdos.com.

About Kayta Gajdos

Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.

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