The “Fiddler on the Roof” story sings about “Tradition.” Perhaps the song could have carried the refrain “Transitions, Transitions!”
Transitions. Transitions carry us from one place in space and time to another. They may feel un-grounding and destabilizing because they are a sort of leap before a landing. Perhaps this is why some people fear bridges or flying. A bridge is a transitional connector from one land to another. Flying, too, is a transition—a literal taking off into the air, leaving ground, then landing, sometimes thousands of miles away.
Transitions take energy and trust—trust that it’s okay to jump off the diving board and hurtle oneself into the air to plunge into the deep water. Ironically, deep water is what you need here to make a safe “landing.” Yet, even when you know the terrain and the water, making the transition requires pushing past resistance. My daughter, for many years a competitive swimmer, says that the first jump into the pool is always hard. My own personal experience attests to this. Yes, I’ve got my swimsuit on and goggles affixed, and yet the transition from solid surface to that “liquid solution” always catches me.
When my kids were little, I would talk about “transitions,” and how hard it could be to change gears and go from one activity to another or get organized to leave the house to go somewhere. I remember more than 30 years ago when my son was barely out of toddlerhood that for seven hours he insisted he wanted to stay home and didn’t want to go to wherever it was we were going for vacation. A week later, he didn’t want to leave the little cottage in Rhode Island and so for seven hours on the ride home he considered that wanted to stay where he had been. Transitions can be difficult because change is usually not easy. Some of us are more adaptable, but all of us are affected by transition and change whether we acknowledge it or not. It helps, actually, to face our fears and anxiety about transitions and change. Naming our experience is the first step in coping with it.
Admittedly, transitions have been thematic in my life lately. For one, I have just returned from a pilgrimage to Crete. I wonder if the return from a journey that was vastly different from a person’s daily routine is more jarring than the entry into a new place. For me, when I go to a country I’ve never been, I expect my senses to be “assaulted” and I welcome the novelty. On the other hand, re-entry home is both comforting and unsettling. Being with family is a joy, yet the bigness of life here is, at first, overwhelming—big box stores, big roads, big cars. America on steroids?
However, the more personal context of transitions for me is not about going from the rugged rocky mountains of Crete with nary a McDonald’s or Walmart in sight back to the mammoth malls and shopping sprawls here.
On the heels of my return home, we hosted a gathering of family and friends in honor of my daughter and spouse’s baby, scheduled to be born in December. What a marker for major change this is! Moving into parenthood and grandparent-hood is formidable — wondrous, yes — but life changing indeed!
For me, it is the carrying of hope — and love — from the past into the future. Lately, I feel peculiarly connected to my mother, who died almost twenty years ago, remembering her in her grammy-hood and wishing to carry her love and care forward. Quite a transition: bridging the love of generations!
* Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in counseling psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania. She welcomes comments at MindMatters@DrGajdos.com or 610-388-2888. Past columns are posted to www.drgajdos.com. See book.quietwisdom-loudtimes.com for information about her book, “Quiet Wisdom in Loud Times: The Rise of the Wounded Feminine.”
The opinions expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the ownership or management of Chadds Ford Live. We welcome opposing viewpoints. Readers may comment in the comments section or they may submit a Letter to the Editor to: editor@chaddsfordlive.com
About Kayta Gajdos
Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.
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