Mind Matters: Meandering thoughts

Posted by Dr. Kayta Gajdos on March 13, 2021

January 2021—Snow Fall

I was at the kitchen sink looking out at the snow falling. A flash of memory comes. I remember when my cousin John, college friend Joanne, and I walked at night in a snowstorm — we trekked from my parents’ new home all the way past town to a bridge outcropping on the Delaware River, probably a part of the steel mill then. What I remember is the stillness of snow falling on the dark river and the three of us talking with the profound thoughts of 22-year-olds. I think the world was less ambiguous then and certainly filled with the hope and promise of our future selves.

That was 55 years ago. Our future selves are mostly past selves now. There has been beauty and love and accomplishment but there has also been failure and trauma and grief.

I have been thinking a lot about my cousins and extended family. We grew up, 25 of the 26 cousins, in the same town. Death was not a stranger to us, even as kids. One cousin died at age 13 when he was delivering newspapers on his bicycle and a drunk driver hit him.

February 2021—Snow Thaw

There is a thaw, the Lenten roses and witch hazels are blooming, yet, in this earth struggle for spring, I am feeling at my limits. I remember when my mother was dying, and my father was in rapid decline himself. I had reached my limits when the toilet overflowed. I sat on the wet floor, tears mingling with the water surrounding me. Of course, I cleaned up the mess and carried on, but not without a silent scream to the universe to stop already. So again, I carry on yet give another Job shout to the universe to stop already.

Thing is, even in COVID time, my problems are very first world. What? I can’t go on vacation or go to my favorite restaurant or see a play? Actually, me reaching my limit has little to do with those little perks of life, but more with taking care of grandchildren in very confined circumstances. Yep, I still miss all the space and beauty of the Brandywine Valley. Looking out my windows into the neighbors’ windows gives me no voyeuristic pleasure whatsoever. Ah! So, there is the reaching my limits difference between when my mother was dying and now. I remember driving my mother to radiation treatments at Chester County Hospital and she looking out the car window at the trees and winter Wyeth light along route 100. She and I both found quiet solace in this scenery.

When the destructive march of COVD wanes and we all become vaccinated, perhaps I will once again venture out, with grandkids in tow to places in nature that lift our spirits beyond what we thought were our limits.

March to Spring 2021

I go to the dentist after putting off teeth cleaning for a year. The dental hygienist informs me that my sensitivity complaints are probably due to teeth grinding during sleep. She says, “not to worry, everybody’s having this problem these days. I’m telling everybody to get a night guard.” There must be a boom in dental guard manufacturing in this time of weeping and gnashing of teeth!

What I extrapolate from my own experience is that if I am so stressed what must so many others be going through? How can we help, not only ourselves but also each other? My daughter is volunteering her online skills to help others less computer savvy to snag vaccination appointments. My son is volunteering at a vaccination clinic in California. I am donating money to organizations I trust that will help others. And as for myself? I am taking walks at a local cemetery that gives me a new lease on life. Where else can you say hello to Longfellow and other famous dignitaries?

About Kayta Gajdos

Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.