Mind Matters: Back to school and beyond

Posted by Dr. Kayta Gajdos on September 9, 2015

School is in session again, and the busyness begins. Or maybe it never ended.

Parents with school aged children are back to juggling schedules: work, homework, soccer, band practice, and on and on. Then there are the parents whose children span an array of ages from babyhood to middle school. This brings a different passel of problems, and joys too.

There are a few guidelines to remember however as autumn’s chill arrives.

A loving home environment needs to include structure, stability, and safety. Research has shown that family meals play an important role in providing children these things.

Why is this important? Family dinner especially provides a time of connection and unity in everyone’s hectic schedules. Everyone’s cell phone could be turned off or put in a basket. Parents and kids can then discuss their day together. Of course, this takes some learning in empathic listening. Each person at the table—not at the TV—gets to speak about themselves without critical judgment from anyone else. My mother used to say, never bring anger or conflict to the dinner table—save the disturbing conversation for later. Good advice for good digestion.

Family meals may bring fear to the hearts of those responsible for the cooking. For one, this is not about family preparations. Healthy dinner can be as simple as soup and salad. For another, preparation can be delegated: different nights of the week to different family members, for example.

Beyond family dinners, structure, stability and safety are also provided to children through scheduling homework time, and bedtime, and limiting electronic time: TV, computer, cell phone, who knows what. As children grow, the schedules change to suit their maturation level. It all sounds so simple and straight forward, yet, in reality, it is not always so easy to implement. There needs also to be a balance of work and play for both children and parents. Play gives both children and parents delight —j oy even. End of summer, I watch wondrous examples of this.

Evening light descends upon a pool. A little girl is thrilled that she can dive and jump off the board — and so she does, over and over, mother treads the water, visibly elated, fully living the moment. My nephews too, are happily jumping off the board with younger brother repeating his new found swim strokes to the side of the pool, play, and learning happening while parents take time for joy in the present too. Let us be schooled too in such summer moments.

* Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in counseling psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford. She welcomes comments at MindMatters@DrGajdos.com or 610-388-2888. Past columns are posted to www.drgajdos.com. See book.quietwisdom-loudtimes.com for information about her book, “Quiet Wisdom in Loud Times: The Rise of the Wounded Feminine.”
(The opinions expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the ownership or management of Chadds Ford Live. We welcome opposing viewpoints. Readers may comment in the comments section or they may submit a Letter to the Editor to: editor@chaddsfordlive.com )

About Kayta Gajdos

Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.