We are in full swing of the holiday season. I hope you’re all enjoying joyful parties, the smell of your grandmother’s cookie recipe, that gigantic ham that gets cooked for your special gathering, shiny decorations, singing, movies, strings of lights to brighten the cold winter nights, and any other tradition you treasure this time of year.
This is a time of year when family memories are made, but it’s darn hard work being a parent, even in the smoothest of times. The challenge increases when you’re a part of the “sandwich generation” — a parent caring for parents.
Parents caring for parents are at a heightened risk for “Caregiver Burnout,” especially around the holiday season. Your time and energy are already stretched thin and even joyful traditions can feel like demands pulling you further away from your family.
It can be hard to keep up the holiday cheer and traditions for your children, while tending to your ageing parents. Here are some tips and resources to get you through the winter months.
First and foremost, understand and voice your limits — learn to say no, where you can. There’s only so much of you to go around. Perhaps that third batch of cookies can be skipped this year.
Try to spread around the responsibility. Is there a neighbor or pastor or friend or another family member that can check in or lend a hand? Ask where you can, and if someone offers, by all means, say yes! It can be scary to relinquish some control over the situation, but can relieve a lot of tension.
It sounds impossible, but make it a priority this season to take time for yourself to recharge. Pamper yourself in some way. Make yourself laugh. Call a friend and grab a cup of coffee. Most importantly, breathe. Find moments throughout the day where you’re waiting at a red light or on hold with the cable company — steal that moment for some deep breaths and clearing your mind. It can do wonders.
Finally, once the holiday hubbub is done, make time to do some planning. You can alleviate much of the stress of caregiving through preparation. Even if your crystal ball seems cloudy you can make plans for anticipated long-term care arrangements.
Powers of Attorney for health and finances can be put in place now to avoid an emergency later. Look into long term care insurance. Arrangements for possessions and property can be considered now to preserve family legacies and the valuable property that your parents worked so hard for.
Get a Will drafted. People frequently question whether it’s right for their family to transfer the family home to children sooner rather than later-now is the time to explore that. Your family may benefit from a Caregiver Agreement for the work that is being done-you are truly providing a valuable service to your parents.
Recognize signs of an impending burnout like increased irritability, fatigue, insomnia, and trouble concentrating. Check in with yourself if you find yourself compulsively eating or smoking, overreacting to minor nuisances or catching every cold that comes around. If you suffer burnout, you cannot care for others, but there are things you can do proactively to prevent problems down the line.
It’s hard, but know you are not alone. There is support out there for you — check in with the Area Agency on Ageing, which is an absolute wealth of resources. Search the web for nonprofit caregiver support organizations. You might be pleasantly surprised at how a little planning right now can go a very long way and save you countless hours of hassle.
Above all, focus on the joy that is in your life and enjoy the magic of this holiday season.
About Valerie Borek
Valerie Borek, Esq. is a Delaware County native with a passion for empowering people. She believes a strong family is a building block to strong communities. She founded her law firm to serve families with a focus on parenting and family rights. As a mother herself, she knows that parents face tough choices and need support. Valerie is grateful to be in a profession where she can guide people through life’s circumstance so they can focus on the things in life that matter most. Valerie finds her greatest motivation in helping families strengthen their health and wealth. These two foundational areas of life resonate through the day-to-day and when we feel comfortable and secure in these spheres, we are free and enabled to create and nurture the lives we desire. Visit her at www.vboreklaw.com
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