Mind Matters: Just one thing …

Posted by Dr. Kayta Gajdos on October 2, 2013

In a very un-Buddhist maneuver, I swatted a stinkbug in the midst of reading “Just One Thing: Developing a Buddhist Brain One Simple Practice at a Time,” by Rick Hanson. Maybe in time I will let go of my stinkbug problem (which came about after one little critter crawled in my ear several summers ago). Meanwhile, the simple practices Hanson recommends in his pragmatic primer are the wedding of Buddhist mindfulness with neuroscience. Little exercises can change our brains because of “experience-dependent neuroplasticity.”

For better or worse, “How you use your mind changes your brain.” Psychologist Donald Hebb’s phrase for this is “neurons that fire together, wire together.” Point being, if we use our minds for anger, worry, self-criticizing, or critical reactivity to others, we are shaping our neural structures of the brain to conform to that mindset. Yet we can retrain the brain when we mindfully see the good in ourselves, when we let go, when we can tell ourselves, “You’re all right now,” notes Hanson.

Succinctly, yet almost poetically, Hanson describes how to develop calm strength, self-confidence, and inner peace. Yes, his is yet another self-help book, but it is laden with little bursts of simple wisdom that he has integrated from many masters. For example, he relates what practically every psychotherapist says: Risk the dreaded experience. He describes the universal routine of human experience: a feeling or desire arises which seeks expression followed by an associated expectation of emotional pain—that is, “the dreaded experience.” And so comes the shutdown of feeling and expression—the inhibiting response.

I observe this pattern in my office many times: A person feels sadness or some other feeling arise; expression of this feeling may have been forbidden in the family and so it is again repressed. This is where the person jokes or avoids by changing the subject.

Change of this old pattern—self-expression to expectation of pain to inhibition—comes about by first observing it in ourselves, and then slowly challenging ourselves to risk expression. And then there is “imperfection.” How refreshing it is to read an author not scolding for disorganization and brokenness. Quite the contrary, Hanson notes, “imperfections are all around, and they include messes, dirty clothes, weeds, snarled traffic, … injury, illness, disability, pain, problems … loss … objects … chipped, frayed, broken; mistakes … confusion … war and famine, poverty, oppression, injustice.” While it is important to change what we can and work for the good, it is also important to learn acceptance for what is. Anxiety arises when we lose sight of the latter.

Fear is one aspect of generalized anxiety. Hanson considers that evolution has actually provided us with anxious brains in order to survive “the tiger in the bushes.” However, even metaphorically speaking, there often are no “tigers to fear.” Yet fear is fanned by the media and “political groups try to gain or hold onto power by exaggerating apparent threats.” Hanson’s point? “Most of us feel much less safe than we actually are.”

Humility, generosity, and being brave enough to love, Hanson would say, are the means to counteract anxiety and fear—for me, stinkbugs notwithstanding.

* Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in counseling psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania. She welcomes comments at MindMatters@DrGajdos.com or (610)388-2888. Past columns are posted to www.drgajdos.com.

About Kayta Gajdos

Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.