Mind Matters: Self care is a necessity, not luxury

Posted by Dr. Kayta Gajdos on June 19, 2013

Recently I have been teaching Psychological First Aid to those who volunteer after disasters occur. Basically, psychological first aid is “a compassionate and supportive presence designed to mitigate acute distress and assess [needs].” (Everly and Flynn)

However, in order to be a compassionate and supportive presence, volunteers need to learn the fundamentals of self care. As do we all!

So let’s explore self care and stress management in general here. Karen Saakvitne and Laurie Pearlman address self care in their book Transforming the Pain. Awareness, balance and connection are the key themes -- the ABC’s if you will.

Do you have awareness of your limits, your emotions, your needs? Do you have balance among the realms of your life? In other words, do you engage in play time as well as work time? Do you rest? Do you have connection to your inner life, to others, to something larger than yourself? This means are you able to be reflective? Do you feel connected to others and others are connected to you? Do you connect with something larger than you? That might be God, or a Higher Power, but it could also be nature or music or art. You could ask yourself these questions as they relate to your professional life, your organizational life, your personal life.

So here is a mini questionnaire to peruse adapted from Saakvitne and Pearlman’s work.

Physical Self Care

How are your eating habits? Do you eat healthily? Do you exercise? Do you engage in fun activities, e.g., swimming or dancing or singing? Do you take vacations, mini day trips or otherwise? Do you get enough sleep? There are other questions; these are just a few!

Psychological Self Care

Do you make time for self reflection? Write in a journal? Do you allow yourself to be curious? Do you allow novelty into your life? Are you able to say “no” when you need to? Do you allow yourself not to be an expert and to make mistakes?

Emotional Self Care

Do you find time to be with friends and family? Do you stay connected with the people you love and care about? Do you love yourself and even silently give yourself some affirmations? Do you allow yourself to cry? Do you laugh? Do you connect with social causes larger than yourself and show care and concern through appropriate actions such as letters, donations, etc.?

Spiritual Self Care

Do you find nature uplifting? Do you have a spiritual connection or community? Are you aware of the non-material aspects of life? Can you be open to not knowing? Can you cherish hope? Can you identify what is truly meaningful to you? Do you meditate, pray or sing? Or, play with children? Do you experience awe and wonder? Do you contribute to causes in which you believe? Do you read that which inspires you?

Professional/Workplace Self Care

Do you take a break during the work day? Do you connect with co-workers? Is your workplace comfortable and comforting? Do you negotiate for your needs?

Balance

Do you find balance among work, family, relationships, play and rest?

Remember what the flight attendant always reminds us: you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you can put it on the child or the elderly person next to you. If you’re not able to breathe, you won’t be able to help anyone else breathe either. Indeed self care is analogous to that oxygen mask. We need it so we can care for others.

* Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in counseling psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania. She welcomes comments atMindMatters@DrGajdos.com or 610-388-2888. Past columns are posted towww.drgajdos.com.

About Kayta Gajdos

Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.