Given that the title of this movie is “Hope Springs”—not “Hope Springs Eternal”—we already wonder if perhaps there is a question mark about how much hope there will be here.
Several clients recommended that I see this film not only because there was a psychotherapist in it, Dr. Bernie Feld (played by Steve Carell), but because it touched them emotionally.
Meryl Streep plays Kay, a mid-western housewife who works part-time in an apparel store. Tommy Lee Jones, as Arnold, portrays her accountant husband of 31 years. They are empty nesters whose life together has become arid.
They sleep in separate bedrooms—because of his snoring at first. But that has developed into a loss both of sexual intimacy and physical closeness. They can no longer touch each other.
Arnold has become the grumpy old man who falls asleep watching the golf channel. Timid Kay has apparently never asked for what she has wanted in the relationship and has always been the accommodator.
However, she has become so frustrated in her solitary and isolated life that she seeks solace in a couples-therapy book. When she discovers that the author, Bernie Feld, offers an intensive week of sessions, she signs up and informs Arnold of her plan. He balks and refuses. Reluctantly, at the last moment, we see him enter the plane for the trip to Great Hope Springs, Maine.
What is refreshing about this movie is that it is not Hollywood glib and that it portrays well the rifts that can occur in a decades long relationship.
Realistically, the transformation in these partners does not come magically, effortlessly or linearly. The therapist patiently and compassionately continues to probe and guide their movement into the sexual and emotional terrain that is feared, especially by Arnold.
This is a poignant portrayal of life for anyone to see: young couples for what pitfalls to stave off, older couples for a glimpse at repairing what once was.
After a setback—and, in life, as in therapy, there are many—Feld tells Arnold and Kay: “Even great marriages have terrible years, so bad that you’re just tempted to give up. But don’t. Hold on. There will come a time when you’ll look back on this moment as the prelude to something fuller and richer than you’ve ever experienced.”
Wise advice for all of us.
* Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in counseling psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania. She welcomes comments at MindMatters@DrGajdos.com or 610-388-2888. Past columns are posted to www.drgajdos.com.
About Kayta Gajdos
Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.
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