“Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to
ride in a one-horse open sleigh, hey!” Such a cheery song to brighten our way
through the holidays—despite the fact that many (not all!) of us despise snow
and most (some do!) of us don’t have the discretionary funds for horse and
sleigh. Be that as it may, the song conjures visions of a Currier and Ives
Christmas—a trek to grandma’s house for hot cocoa and home-baked cookies.
That image intertwined with Hallmark moments can create overwhelming
expectations of what the winter holidays “ought” to be versus what they
realistically are.
Yes, this is the time of year when friends and families come together
to share meals and give gifts. But it is also a time when whatever difficulties
in families have lain dormant, arise from their slumber (to the sound perhaps
of those bells jingling).
Young adult children whose parents divorced long ago still try to
figure out every holiday how they will divide their time among parents and
stepparents. The wounds of the past never go away.
Family cutoffs don’t automatically get mended just because “It’s
Christmas!” Scrooge may have listened to his ghosts of Christmas past and
learned to make amends with those that he hurt, but some of us never take
Charles Dickens’ message to heart, and so the family fabric that was torn apart
in a quarrel 20 years ago might be even more tattered today.
Even without family cutoffs or divorce, there is still the inevitable
pain of loss of friends and family members. Somehow, the holiday season makes
grief all the more poignant. We celebrate with the living and we remember our
loved ones who have died all the more.
We may try to run away from the hardest parts of the holidays. We may
try to deny the bitter sweetness of it all by focusing on the decorations and
the bright lights, and buying, buying, buying. But none of that can cover over
our deepest longing for loving connection.
Some of us have been fortunate enough to have (or have had) loving
family. Others of us are reminded instead of childhoods in which love was never
freely given. Whatever our circumstances, we do ourselves a disservice when we
deny our difficult emotions that arise with the holidays. We can actually
embrace with joy the beauty of the season when we allow the unbidden feelings
in. We may not be stepping out of a Currier and Ives painting or into a
Hallmark moment, but we will feel much more at peace in ourselves.
* Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in
counseling psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania.
She welcomes comments at MindMatters@DrGajdos.com or (610)388-2888. Past
columns are posted to http://www.drgajdos.com.
(No Ratings Yet)
Loading...
Comments