Mind Matters — Bullies Are Made Not Born

Lady Gaga recently sang a tribute to a bullied fan.
Fourteen-year-old Jamie Rodemeyer took his life this past September after years
of having been bullied. Harassed because of his sexuality, Rodemeyer is
reported to have found some amount of solace in Lady Gaga’s message of
self-acceptance. Unfortunately, it was not enough to counter the negativity
aimed at him at school.

Bullying, reports the American Psychological Association,
“is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly
causes another person injury or discomfort. Bullying can take the form of
physical contact, words, or more subtle actions. The bullied individual
typically has trouble defending him or herself and does nothing to cause the
bullying.”

Bullying, says psychologist Susan Swearer, Ph.D., is a
mental health problem. Often bullies, victims, and bully-victims (those who
both bully and are bullied) experience depression and anxiety. It has also been
observed that children who find that their bullying gets them what they want
will continue their behavior into adulthood. And, I would enjoin that adult
bullies are on the sociopathic spectrum of people without conscience, though
they may very well be financially or professionally successful. In fact, young
bullies are often quite popular.

Dr. Swearer reports that certain environments are supportive
of bullying. That is, in those families, cultures, environs, where verbal
putdowns or physical intimidation is allowed, the cancer of bullying
flourishes.

The reactive Internet responses to Lady Gaga’s indictment
against bullying indicate to me that we may still be stuck in a culture where
victims are blamed for the bully’s behavior.

However, there is hope. Dan Olweus, Ph.D., among others, has
developed a bullying prevention program. He outlines four key principles for
school (and home, ideally) that underpin his interventions:

1. warm, positive involvement
and care from adults

2. firm limits regarding
behaviors

3. non-punitive, non-physical
disciplining of violations of rules

4. adults that act as role
models as well as authorities.

Of course, Dr. Olweus’ model implies that adults themselves
not be bullies and be neither physically nor verbally abusive. Our children are
watching us. What will we do?

* Kayta Curzie Gajdos
holds a doctorate in counseling psychology and is in private practice in Chadds
Ford, Pennsylvania. She welcomes comments at MindMatters@DrGajdos.com or
610-388-2888. Past columns are posted to http://www.drgajdos.com.

About Kayta Gajdos

Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.

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