In My Experience: Dealing with tantrums

Posted by Jeanne-Marie Curtis on September 7, 2011

Dear Jeanne-Marie,

I have a 3-year-old who was wonderful during the "terrible twos."
Yesterday she threw a temper tantrum in a store and I was mortified. What
should I do to stop this?

Signed,
Horrified

Short Answer:
Dear Horrified,

Welcome to the club. This happens to all of us and is no reflection on your
parenting. It is normal for children to try this at least once in their lives.

My teenager is going to kill me
for telling this story but…

In My Experience:

I chose a hot and humid summer day to take my beautiful, sweet-tempered,
charming 3-year-old daughter to the mall. It was early in the afternoon and I
basked in the glow of attention we received from the senior citizens as we
strolled passed them. We threw coins in the fountain, ate ice cream on a bench,
and sang silly songs. We were the picture of Mommy and Me perfection. We took
the elevator to the second floor of a busy department store, as an elevator
ride for a 3-year-old is an event in itself.

As the doors opened, directly
in front of us was a table of toys. Of course there was her desire to have a
particular toy and as we had already purchased a toy and my budget was tight, I
responded in my loving, good mother voice, "No dear. We already bought a
toy today." And then it happened.

My beautiful, sweet-tempered,
charming daughter, lay down on the store floor, screamed at the top of her
lungs, stomped her feet, and pounded her fists. I stood there in shock. What to
do? I had heard about these things but never expected it from my darling angel.

Well, I decided it was do or
die. I clenched my teeth and said to her, "When you are finished, I will
be right over there." I tried to walk a few yards away with some dignity.
OK, I thought. This will work. But, noooooo.

She continued her tantrum for
what was probably only 10 minutes but it seemed like an hour. It was on! I was
not budging and neither was she. Being the wise adult I thought I was, I was
sure I had the upper hand until along came not just one concerned woman asking
my daughter if she needed help, but every few minutes, another woman and then
another.

Now, let me explain why these
caring and concerned women did not realize I was her mother. My daughter was
born in China before I adopted and brought her home at 4 months old. Of course
we look nothing alike as I am tall, blond and green-eyed. But there is a
universal, unspoken language among mothers and once I made the well-known hand motion
that I was her mom and rolled my eyeballs in exasperation, each woman gave me a
sympathetic smile and went on her way.

Here is what I felt in the end.
Grateful. Not only because if my child been in real danger, not a single woman
would have left her in distress, but more importantly-she finally gave up, got
up, and never did it again.

* Jeanne-Marie Curtis came to Chadds Ford
Township from Philadelphia in 1990. She has her BA in human resources management/employment
law and is currently employed by Chadds Ford Elementary School. She is the
author of Junctions by Jeanne-Marie.
To submit a question: email Jeanne-Marie at junctionsbyjm@aol.com