Who knew? That hugging and kissing is good for the brain! Good for health over all, in fact. The feel good feeling you get from a hug goes beyond the ephemeral moment.

Evidence from scientific research shows that, when stressed, we produce the biochemical cortisol, which can have a cumulative negative effect on our bodies and brains. On the other hand, the biochemical oxytocin gets produced when we hug and kiss, and this compound appears to be an antidote to cortisol’s effect.

It was known long before the recent research that oxytocin was produced in pregnant and nursing mothers. Part of what we love about babies, even when we’re not the Mom or Dad, are the warm feelings they engender when we hug them. Having visited my great nephews this weekend, I can attest to an oxytocin high—cuddling and cooing to baby and kissing the pre-schoolers. (Yes, there is the dirty diaper side of all this, but it’s my hunch that the loving glow of the oxytocin flow can help mitigate the downside.)

And we don’t stop yearning for touch just because we become adults. It appears that the slightest touch can go deeply. Just placing a hand on someone’s shoulder can turn on oxytocin production. Our skin, as the largest organ of the body, can quickly register care and connection.

While we can imagine all the ways we can reach out to each other, not only with kind words, but also with kind touch, we also can intuit that the reverse can be true as well. Unfortunately, a kiss or hug or touch can become an unwanted or intrusive act, or can be done with violence and cruelty, subverting its goodness.

Too many times, I have heard stories in my office where the touch from a parent was remembered in its horror, as physical or sexual abuse. Or perhaps the client recalls that, as a child, while there was not physical abuse, there also was no affection—no hugging, no kissing, no touch, and no loving looks and no kind words. When we grow up in such a cold and distant household, that too can be a form of neglect. As adults, we may come to understand intellectually that our parents were either ill, or depressed, or simply unable to provide that kind of connection. However, the child that we carry deep within ourselves still feels the lack of touch and affection. So, even as adults, we need to learn how to embrace ourselves (literally and figuratively) and allow ourselves to be embraced.

Now we see that science has taken touch to its cellular level. Rather than demean the importance of hugs and kisses done kindly and with good intentions, science has uplifted its necessity from the realm of those who might say it’s sentimental hogwash or “new-agey.” And when you’re lacking a hug from someone else, give yourself a hug—put your hand on your heart gently and breathe deeply for a moment or give yourself an embrace with both arms. These little movements do help to self-soothe. Then, better yet, turn to your partner and do more than dosey-do!

About Kayta Gajdos

Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.

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