Mind Matters

Posted by Dr. Kayta Gajdos on February 17, 2010

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Diary of snow

Feb. 10, 2010: Snow night—Blizzard zaps power. I sit in
candlelight in the youngest part of this circa 1830 stone house that remembers
days with dark nights, the wax of candles rationed, but not saved for romantic
dinners. I know many who despise these snow times, especially when the
electricity fails. Tomorrow, I may worry about things spoiling in the
refrigerator or about hot water for a shower. But tonight I so relish, savor
the silence. Without traffic, without light, without the computer hum or TV
glare, I hear and see differently. The cuckoo clock carries a subtle sound I
hadn’t noticed. The shadow of my pen on paper begins to be of interest. The
candle’s flickering against dark, seduces me to meditate: El Greco could have
painted its sinuous length.

We must be forced, it seems, into hibernation. Unbalanced,
we keep active through artificial light pushing away what we need most. In
solitude, we hush to hear, come into the dark to see.

Feb. 12, 2010: Let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow. We
have, it would seem, a love-hate relationship with snow. We sing songs about
winter wonderlands and dreams of a white Christmas. We flock the Christmas tree
and dance with Frosty the Snowman. On the other hand, we don’t like the way it keeps
us from work—only children seeming to like snow days, while their parents feel
overwhelmed with their snow-bound presence.

Perhaps it has to do with being versus doing: shovel snow,
take care of kids, dig the car out, worry about gutters draining, roof leaking.
Yet there is being to be found when a big snow comes. So many lovely moments to
witness: such whiteness transforms even the trash can into Wyeth art. Silence
descends, birds arrive, never to have been seen before. Neighbors help each
other, eat together, talk together: can’t run away from home in a car to a
place that’s closed anyway. And without electricity, shelved books get read,
dusty games get played, and conversation is central rather than TV.

Snow has something to teach us who, in the Mid-Atlantic
states, have an anxious relationship with it. (Some New Englanders and
Canadians, prepared as they are, are feeling a bit deprived.) We could learn
that even sans snow, the TV could sit, silent witness to our conversation with
neighbors. We could take a “snowy Sabbath” day—resting with a book, taking a
quiet walk, pretending phones and computers are out of commission. Perhaps
there is power in letting ourselves “lose power.”

Of course, we rely on phones working, lights going on,
having heat, roads being cleared. When in an instant that is gone, that is a
lesson too: to empathize and know just a minute fraction of what it feels like
to be caught in the crossfire of war, or coping with the aftermath of
earthquake or flood where even the simplest of amenities are lost for a long
time.

Feb. 15, 2010: As I edit this writing, I already am in
status quo mode of schedules and doing and the silent night of snow is an
elusive memory.

Feb. 17, 2010:Ah,
there is, however the solitude of cross country skiing.

• Kayta Curzie Gajdos holds a doctorate in counseling
psychology and is in private practice in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania. She
welcomes comments at MindMatters@DrGajdos.com
or (610)388-2888. Past columns are posted to www.drgajdos.com.

About Kayta Gajdos

Dr. Kathleen Curzie Gajdos ("Kayta") is a licensed psychologist (Pennsylvania and Delaware) who has worked with individuals, couples, and families with a spectrum of problems. She has experience and training in the fields of alcohol and drug addictions, hypnosis, family therapy, Jungian theory, Gestalt therapy, EMDR, and bereavement. Dr. Gajdos developed a private practice in the Pittsburgh area, and was affiliated with the Family Therapy Institute of Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, having written numerous articles for the Family Therapy Newsletter there. She has published in the American Psychological Association Bulletin, the Family Psychologist, and in the Swedenborgian publications, Chrysalis and The Messenger. Dr. Gajdos has taught at the college level, most recently for West Chester University and Wilmington College, and has served as field faculty for Vermont College of Norwich University the Union Institute's Center for Distance Learning, Cincinnati, Ohio. She has also served as consulting psychologist to the Irene Stacy Community MH/MR Center in Western Pennsylvania where she supervised psychologists in training. Currently active in disaster relief, Dr. Gajdos serves with the American Red Cross and participated in Hurricane Katrina relief efforts as a member of teams from the Department of Health and Human Services' Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.Now living in Chadds Ford, in the Brandywine Valley of eastern Pennsylvania, Dr. Gajdos combines her private practice working with individuals, couples and families, with leading workshops on such topics as grief and healing, the impact of multigenerational grief and trauma shame, the shadow and self, Women Who Run with the Wolves, motherless daughters, and mediation and relaxation. Each year at Temenos Retreat Center in West Chester, PA she leads a griefs of birthing ritual for those who have suffered losses of procreation (abortions, miscarriages, infertility, etc.); she also holds yearly A Day of Re-Collection at Temenos.Dr. Gajdos holds Master's degrees in both philosophy and clinical psychology and received her Ph.D. in counseling at the University of Pittsburgh. Among her professional affiliations, she includes having been a founding member and board member of the C.G. Jung Educational Center of Pittsburgh, as well as being listed in Who's Who of American Women. Currently, she is a member of the American Psychological Association, The Pennsylvania Psychological Association, the Delaware Psychological Association, the American Family Therapy Academy, The Association for Death Education and Counseling, and the Delaware County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Board. Woven into her professional career are Dr. Gajdos' pursuits of dancing, singing, and writing poetry.