The Empowered Parent: LGBTQIA

Spring is here. For parents of teens and tweens that means party season. Malls and Instagram feeds are filling up with the latest trends for the big event. Prom season is upon us.

For most, this rite of passage is filled with the customary angst and exaltations of those hormonal years. And this is as it should be. But for some youngsters, the season can come with stressors beyond the norm.

We’ve come a long way regarding civil rights, but unfortunately LGBTQIA students can still face discrimination and adversity during prom season. The term, which stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer (or “Questioning”), Intersex, and Asexual (or “Ally) has evolved from the shorter LGBT that you may be familiar with, to a larger umbrella that covers a truer range of identity. It represents a cultural shift being ushered in by younger generations to a more neutral and accepting view of gender and sexual identity. It reflects a changing legal and social definition of family that is taking shape across the country.

The take-home on the lingo for parents is that kids are feeling more comfortable in expressing and asserting their identity. That’s a good thing. The challenge for parents occurs, however, when school administration or teachers can’t relate (at best) or discriminate and harass (at worst).

At the majority of schools, parents won’t have an issue. Some really positive things have happened in Pennsylvania regarding gay rights and students. For example, in 2011, a suburban Philadelphia, openly gay student made national headlines by being elected Prom King.

Unfortunately, students have been blindsided with administrative decisions about prom restrictions, even after years of feeling accepted for who they are. Pennsylvania does not protect gay citizens with a nondiscrimination law, so challenges do arise.

In 2013, Red Lion School District got a wake-up call from the Pennsylvania ACLU. A male transgender student was denied the chance to run for prom king when the school deliberately put his female birth name on the ballot in the column under Queen. He was then denied admission to the prom after his girlfriend, an alum, started a Facebook page in protest. A letter from the ACLU made the school change its mind. It shouldn’t have had to go that far.

What do you do as a parent if your child gets pushback regarding their choice of prom date, or wear a dress instead of a suit (or vice versa), or their ability to be on the ballot for King or Queen as they identify?

As always, communication with your child is key. And do your homework. You know the people at your child’s school. If you have a hunch this could be an issue for your family, reach out to the school before any decisions are made. If the unexpected arises, first ask your child what they’d like to see done about it. Your child is at an age of transition from high school to beyond. This may be a chance for you to empower them to advocate for themselves, with your support.

There are options if a school is discriminating, but start by talking to the school administration and board. Remind them this is a civil rights issue. Many times, the court of public opinion can sway a decision — students and parents are taking to social media as a form of activism. But note, this kind of activism has swayed schools to dig in their heels too, requiring additional assistance from advocacy groups or attorneys. If the school will not budge, you may need to reach out for a legal expert to intercede.

You may also consider contacting your representatives. Matching bills have been proposed in the Pennsylvania legislature, SB300 and HB300, to include gay and transgender citizens in the Human Relations Act. The bills address discrimination in educational programs, as well as many other areas.

 

About Valerie Borek

Valerie Borek, Esq. is a Delaware County native with a passion for empowering people. She believes a strong family is a building block to strong communities. She founded her law firm to serve families with a focus on parenting and family rights. As a mother herself, she knows that parents face tough choices and need support. Valerie is grateful to be in a profession where she can guide people through life’s circumstance so they can focus on the things in life that matter most. Valerie finds her greatest motivation in helping families strengthen their health and wealth. These two foundational areas of life resonate through the day-to-day and when we feel comfortable and secure in these spheres, we are free and enabled to create and nurture the lives we desire. Visit her at www.vboreklaw.com

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